I knew when I sat do to write this...I knew I would be pushing back tears just to make it legible, coherent.
It's not just my birthday.
Forty years ago today, this amazing human painstakingly brought me into this world. Since that day she has given me infinite love and her undivided loyalty.
She taught me to read. She taught me to survive. She taught me to be compassionate and ethical in my perspectives about the world. She taught me to be tough. She taught me how to give love and be loved. All were hard lessons learned. I am not a great student. And at times I thought that neither of us might make it through. Times when I thought I might not make it through but I was never alone. She was there. She never wavered.
In the larger scheme of things, our umbilical connection, our cord, has not stretched very far. There are things that we've both protected each other from because we knew it would be too heartbreaking to relive much less put on the other. But still, we stayed close, guarding one another, caring, upholding, inspiring one another. Nursing the wounds of one another. Close, if not by miles, then by words.
When I think about the mother to child connection, I sometimes find it so hard to believe or understand how I managed to have it so good. To be worthy of this person as my mother sounds mythical to my mind. The fact that I can feel her across hundreds of miles sounds mythical, yet, I knew she was here today, in my city. I knew when she called that she must be close. And she was, she and my step-father drove almost four hours this morning to surprise me for my birthday.
Of all the connections that could have been made, of all the billions of possibilities, we got lucky, my siblings and I.
Happy Birthday to you too, Mom, I love you more than these words will ever say.